The Biggest Mistake Leaders Make When Supporting Burnt Out Employees
Kelly Walker • November 4, 2024
Burnout is a serious issue across workplaces, impacting both productivity and personal well-being. When supporting a burnt-out team member, leaders have a critical opportunity to make a difference — but many make a common, well-intentioned mistake: assuming they know what the employee needs rather than directly asking them.
Assumptions about how to support an employee can lead to unintended setbacks. For example, reducing responsibilities might seem helpful but could remove tasks that the employee finds meaningful or energising. Without asking, leaders risk taking actions that may ultimately frustrate or disengage the employee further.
Why Assumptions Miss the Mark in Burnout Support
Burnout is a deeply personal experience, and no single approach will work for everyone. Leaders who try to “fix” burnout by acting on assumptions may inadvertently worsen the situation, sending messages that feel dismissive, undermining and demotivating. Here are some common examples of how assumptions can backfire:
- Assuming a lighter workload will help: Automatically reducing tasks may unintentionally communicate that the leader doesn’t have confidence in the employee or sees them as a burden.
- Assuming they need “easier” tasks: Reassigning an employee to low-stakes work may feel like a demotion if those tasks lack purpose or meaning for them.
A well-meaning leader can unintentionally add to the stress or isolation felt by the employee. To truly support, it’s essential to ask rather than assume.
The Power of Asking: How to Create a Supportive Dialogue
The best way to avoid assumptions is to engage in an open, respectful conversation. Rather than “fixing” burnout through assumptions, start by asking the employee what they need. This not only validates their experience but gives them control over their own path to recovery. Here are some questions that can foster a supportive dialogue:
- “What tasks or aspects of your role feel energising for you right now?”
- “Are there specific challenges or stressors that feel overwhelming?”
- “How can we adjust your responsibilities to better support you?”
These questions demonstrate a willingness to listen and help the employee feel heard, ultimately leading to more effective support.
Identifying Energising vs Exhausting Tasks
Another risk of assumptions is removing tasks that are actually fulfilling for the employee. Burnout doesn’t mean every part of their job is overwhelming — often, some aspects remain rewarding. Understanding which tasks energise versus drain them can guide balanced recovery support. This approach also empowers the employee to retain some control over their work experience.
For instance, if mentoring others brings purpose, keeping this in their role could aid recovery. Conversely, discussing ways to manage or reduce certain administrative tasks might ease their burden.
Establish a Safe Space for Ongoing Conversations
Supporting an employee through burnout requires ongoing dialogue, not a single conversation. Regular check-ins provide the opportunity to adjust support based on what’s working and what’s not. This consistent communication shows that the team values wellbeing and creates a culture where speaking up about challenges is welcomed and respected.
By maintaining an open, adaptive approach, leaders reinforce their commitment to the employee’s wellbeing, creating a supportive environment for both the individual and the broader team.
Avoiding Assumptions & Supporting Recovery
The biggest mistake leaders make when supporting burnt-out employees is assuming they know what’s best without asking. By opening a conversation and inviting the employee to share what they need, leaders can avoid unintended setbacks and offer meaningful support.
Burnout recovery is a journey, and compassionate, individualised support can make all the difference. Through open communication and a commitment to understanding each employee’s needs, leaders can foster a healthier, more supportive environment for everyone on the team.
At Prospera Consulting, we understand the toll that burnout can take, and we’re here to support you on your journey to recovery. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out, take that first step, and give yourself the care and compassion you deserve. Your wellbeing is worth it.
Over the next 12 months, I’m embarking on an exciting journey to become an ECD Certified Practitioner with Riders & Elephants . This certification is not just about adding another qualification to my portfolio - it’s about deepening my ability to help leaders, teams and organisations thrive by intentionally shaping emotional culture. At Prospera Consulting, I’ve always championed heart-centered leadership, wellbeing and sustainable success. This certification aligns perfectly with that vision, equipping me with innovative tools and insights to support clients in fostering emotionally intelligent workplaces. Why Emotional Culture Matters Every organisation has an emotional culture - whether intentionally shaped or unconsciously developed. Emotional culture is about the feelings that drive our behaviours at work, impacting how we collaborate, innovate and perform. It influences: Employee engagement and retention. How teams navigate challenges and embrace change. The overall wellbeing and satisfaction of individuals. When leaders prioritise emotional culture, they create environments where people feel valued, connected and motivated. This isn’t just a soft skill; it’s a strategic advantage that directly impacts organisational success. What is the Emotional Culture Deck? A key component of this certification is the Emotional Culture Deck by Riders & Elephants. This powerful tool is designed to make it easier for leaders and teams to have meaningful conversations about the emotions driving their work. Through interactive exercises, the Emotional Culture Deck helps individuals and groups: Identify the emotions they want to feel (and avoid) at work. Explore how these emotions shape behaviours and outcomes. Build shared understanding and connection around what matters most. This innovative approach transforms abstract concepts into actionable insights, giving leaders the confidence to lead with authenticity and emotional intelligence. Exploring Emotional Culture in Leadership and Beyond The Emotional Culture Practitioner certification isn’t limited to workplace wellbeing; it spans several critical dimensions, including: Emotional Culture : Providing tools to uncover, define and shape the emotional landscapes that underpin organisational success. Leadership : Understanding how emotions influence decision-making, team dynamics, and authentic leadership. Change : Supporting organisations through transitions by addressing the emotional impact of uncertainty and transformation. Stakeholders : Enhancing connection and communication by recognising and shaping the emotions driving relationships. This holistic approach will allow me to deliver even more tailored, impactful solutions to my clients, whether they’re looking to navigate complex challenges, foster stronger connections, or build a more sustainable path forward. What This Means for Prospera Consulting’s Clients At Prospera Consulting, our focus has always been on heart-centered leadership, sustainable strategy, and wellbeing. This certification aligns perfectly with our mission to help leaders lead with authenticity and purpose. For my clients, this journey means: Enhanced Tools for Leadership Development : I’ll bring evidence-based methods to help leaders understand and influence emotional culture in their organisations. Deeper Conversations About Wellbeing : We’ll explore how emotional culture intersects with burnout prevention and sustainable leadership. Practical, Tangible Outcomes : Whether it’s through workshops or coaching sessions, emotional culture tools will be seamlessly integrated into the way we work together. Looking Ahead with Excitement This certification isn’t just about acquiring new skills, it’s about amplifying the impact of the work I already do. I’m excited to explore how these learnings will influence the services Prospera Consulting offers and the outcomes we achieve together. The year ahead will be one of growth, discovery, and transformation - not just for me, but for every leader and organisation I have the privilege of working with. If you’re curious about emotional culture and how it can reshape leadership, culture or wellbeing in your organisation, let’s connect. Together, we can explore how to create workplaces where emotions drive connection, innovation and success.
Burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that can leave you feeling completely depleted and unable to cope with even the simplest tasks. It can creep up on you slowly or hit you like a tonne of bricks, but either way, when you’re burnt out, it can feel like there’s no way out. If you’re at that point where everything feels overwhelming, and you’re on the verge of sending out an SOS, it’s time for a personal intervention. Here’s how you can start to reclaim your energy, reframe your thinking, and give yourself the grace and compassion you deserve. Reframe Your Thinking: From Maximum to Minimum When you’re burnt out, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need to do everything, be everything, and keep pushing through. But this “maximum” mindset is what got you into this state in the first place. To start your recovery, it’s crucial to reframe your thinking and shift from maximum to minimum. Ask yourself: What is the minimum that I need to do today? This question can be incredibly powerful in helping you reset your priorities. On days when you’re feeling completely drained, focus only on what absolutely needs to be done. Maybe that’s just getting out of bed, eating something nourishing, or taking care of one essential work task. Let go of the pressure to do more than that. By focusing on the minimum, you give yourself permission to rest and recover without feeling guilty or overwhelmed. Give Yourself Grace and Self-Compassion Burnout often comes with a heavy dose of self-criticism. You might feel like you’re not doing enough, not being productive, or that you’re somehow failing. But these thoughts only serve to deepen your exhaustion and sense of inadequacy. Now, more than ever, it’s important to give yourself grace. Recognise that burnout is not a sign of weakness, but a signal that you’ve been pushing too hard for too long. Be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself the way you would to a dear friend in the same situation. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best, and that it’s okay to take a step back to focus on your well-being. Self-compassion also means allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment. If you need to cry, let the tears flow. If you need to rest, give yourself permission to do so. Your emotions are valid, and taking the time to process them is an essential part of healing from burnout. Ask for Help: Who Is Your Support Network? One of the most challenging aspects of burnout is the feeling of isolation that can come with it. You might feel like you have to bear the burden alone, but the truth is, you don’t. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength and self-awareness. Think about who is in your support network. Who can you turn to for a listening ear, practical assistance, or just a comforting presence? Whether it’s a partner, a friend, a family member, or a professional, reach out and let them know what you’re going through. You don’t have to go into detail if you’re not ready; simply sharing that you’re struggling can be enough to start the conversation. If you’re hesitant to ask for help because you don’t want to burden others, remember this: the people who care about you would much rather know that you need support than see you suffer in silence. Lean on your network, and let them help you navigate this difficult time. Take a Break If You Can Sometimes, the best way to start recovering from burnout is to step away from the source of your stress. If you can, take a break—whether it’s a day off, a weekend away, or a longer holiday. Use this time to disconnect from work and other obligations, and focus solely on your wellbeing. Taking a break doesn’t have to mean doing nothing (unless that’s what you need!). It could be spending time in nature, indulging in a hobby, or simply catching up on rest. The key is to give yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty or pressured to be productive. Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. If taking a break isn’t possible right now, try to find small pockets of time throughout your day where you can rest and recharge. Even five minutes of deep breathing, stretching, or stepping outside for some fresh air can make a difference. A Path to Recovery Burnout can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to make a personal intervention and start your recovery. By reframing your thinking from maximum to minimum, giving yourself grace and self-compassion, asking for help and taking a break if you can, you can begin to replenish your energy and find your way back to balance. At Prospera Consulting, we understand the toll that burnout can take, and we’re here to support you on your journey to recovery. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Reach out, take that first step, and give yourself the care and compassion you deserve. Your wellbeing is worth it.
Why the Nervous System Chooses Familiar Chaos Over Unfamiliar Peace As humans, we are wired for survival, and our nervous system plays a key role in keeping us safe. But sometimes, this natural defense mechanism can trap us in patterns of behaviour that feel familiar, even when they’re not what we truly desire. You’ve likely heard the saying, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” This phrase captures the essence of why we often stick to the known, even if it’s causing us stress or unhappiness. Our nervous system, operating below our conscious awareness, has a tendency to choose familiar chaos over unfamiliar peace. But why is this? The Comfort of Familiarity At its core, the nervous system seeks safety and predictability. Anything new or unfamiliar can be perceived as a potential threat. Even when we are consciously aware that a new environment, relationship, or job might be better for us, our nervous system is programmed to default to what it knows. Familiarity, even if it’s uncomfortable or painful, offers a sense of certainty that the unknown doesn’t. In a work setting, for example, you might know that your job is burning you out. Your workload is overwhelming, your stress levels are through the roof, and you feel disconnected from your sense of purpose. Yet, making a change - whether it’s reducing your hours, switching roles, setting boundaries or even leaving the organisation - feels too risky. So, you stay put. You choose the stress and exhaustion you know because, in the back of your mind, the idea of stepping into the unknown triggers a deeper fear. The Power of Conditioning Our nervous system is shaped by past experiences, conditioning us to respond in ways that helped us survive previously. This conditioning runs deep, often starting in childhood. If we learned early on that it’s safer to avoid conflict, to stay small, or to put others’ needs before our own, our nervous system will continue to default to those patterns. For example, if you grew up in an environment where you had to walk on eggshells to keep the peace, your nervous system might associate speaking up for yourself with danger. Even if you’re now in a workplace or relationship where expressing your needs is perfectly acceptable, your nervous system may still trigger a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response, convincing you that it’s safer to remain silent. In these moments, we are not consciously choosing discomfort; our nervous system is. It’s conditioned to choose the familiar response, even if it’s no longer serving us. The Fear of Uncertainty Uncertainty can feel incredibly unsettling, especially when we’ve been conditioned to associate predictability with safety. The nervous system thrives on what it knows, so stepping into “unfamiliar peace” - a new, potentially better situation - requires us to face uncertainty head-on. And uncertainty is often interpreted by the nervous system as a threat, setting off a cascade of stress responses designed to keep us safe. The challenge, then, is that what is actually safer and more aligned with our wellbeing is often perceived by the nervous system as dangerous simply because it’s unfamiliar. Whether it’s leaving a toxic work environment, stepping away from unhealthy relationships, or choosing a new path in life, the unknown can feel more dangerous than it truly is, leading us to choose the familiar - even when that familiarity is detrimental to our mental, emotional and physical health. Breaking the Cycle So, how do we break free from this cycle of choosing the familiar chaos over the unfamiliar peace? The answer lies in nervous system regulation and a gradual rewiring of our internal responses. Awareness : The first step is awareness. Recognising that your nervous system is playing a role in keeping you stuck can be empowering. This understanding allows you to step back and observe your behaviour without judgment. Nervous System Regulation : Practices like breathwork, meditation and somatic exercises help to regulate the nervous system, creating more capacity to handle the unknown. When your nervous system is calm, you’re better equipped to make conscious choices, rather than reacting out of fear or past conditioning. Taking Small Steps : You don’t have to leap into the unknown all at once. Start by taking small, manageable steps toward change. Each time you push your comfort zone, you expand your nervous system’s capacity to handle uncertainty. Over time, what once felt terrifying may become more tolerable, even exciting. Seek Support : It’s also helpful to seek support, whether from a coach, therapist, or trusted friend. Having someone to help you navigate the unknown can make the process feel less daunting, and they can offer a perspective that your nervous system may not currently see. Embracing the Unfamiliar While our nervous system might prefer the certainty of familiar chaos, it’s important to remember that we have the power to choose differently. It takes time and patience to retrain the nervous system to feel safe in the unknown, but it is possible. The next time you find yourself hesitating to make a change that you know, deep down, will improve your life, take a moment to check in with your nervous system. Acknowledge its desire for safety and predictability, and gently remind yourself that sometimes, the unfamiliar peace is exactly where you need to be - even if that seems scary. By learning to soothe our nervous system and embrace uncertainty, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and a deeper sense of freedom, where thriving becomes the new normal.
